I have had the privilege of counseling couples and families for over 35 years. In that 35 years I have learned a lot from my clients, both in what works and what doesn’t work. I have worked with people of all ages, from all over the world, and with many different points of view about relationship.
Today I have chosen to share with you one secret to sharing and sustaining a joyful, fulfilled, juicy partnership with your beloved that really works. This secret discovery is the building block for intimacy, clear communication and deep love between a couple.
It is actually the opposite of what most people request in their first counseling session with me. My experience has been most couples want me to “fix” their partner so they can be happy. This based on the paradigm most of us have been conditioned in, “you complete me” and “it is your job to fix me and my job to fix you”. Relationship cannot sustain over time under this belief system, and that is why so many couples end up not being together.
It is time for a new context for our relationships to thrive in.
The new paradigm that I discovered in my own relationship, and from the couples I have worked with is:
WE ARE EACH OUR OWN SOULMATES AND WE ARE EACH RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN LIVES AND HEALING.
That is the only way we experience our own power, and choosing rather than reaction. It is the only “business” we can be in.
So, if we start off our relationships from total ownership of our own Well Being, then we have room for a relationship to be a spiritual path of growth, expansion, joy and deep intimacy.
I noticed that the clients that ended blaming each other, and took responsibility for themselves would use their partners as teachers to help uncover their “triggers” and parts unhealed and unconscious.
No one can “ignite” us more than those we love. What if we used our upsets become a “pointer” to our own work.
What if we were grateful for our perceived upsets and just dropped “inside” to do our own “work” as well as healing. We then would be free. We would be empowered, awakened, grace filled and growing rather than stuck, angry, blaming and judgmental.
So this is my deep gift the universe has shown over all the years of the honor to work with couples. If you want a successful, fulfilling,juicy relationship, be your own SoulMate and bring the Love that is your birthright.